It's only the first semester..... :(

These days I am having a hard time remembering what it felt like not to have anxiety.  I have never been one of those people who have enjoyed school.  In fact, one of my main motivations for going to college was because my father really wanted his kids to get a college degree.  I didn't know what else to do with myself as a high school graduate at 17 years old, so I sucked it up and went to college to make my dad proud.  After I graduated college, I swore I would never go back, and what do you know here I am again....never say never I guess.  I have come to the conclusion that the reason I hate school is not because I don't enjoy learning, but because I hate the feeling that come with school, and for me that feeling is a constant feeling of anxiety, guilt, and dread.  At the end of the day there is always something more that needs to be done that fills me with anxiety.  The guilt that I feel when I am having a drink with a friend knowing that I should actually be home doing homework or when I am doing that homework and knowing that time should be spent with my child, and the dread I comes over me when I actually have to go write that paper.  I was pretty good at self care when it was just my job, but now that my self care time is being occupied by school it taking a toll on my ability to take care of myself.  Self care is so important in my line of work, but the reality of the situation is that for the next 3 years, I am going to have to tough it out and try and cope with anxiety.  I think there should be credit given for social workers!